It has been a while and friends will know which event these photos represent.
Thanks to friends for all their support. We are blessed with a great group of friends.

NM fall

OK, Tiffany reminded me that I promised to post some photos so here goes. There were so many good ones to choose from! I know I posted one scenic twice but I could not figure out how to take it out...so llive with it. I will post more that have humans in them later. The church is in southern Colorado and was just a shell. Still, we were drawn to it.

Dear Friends

How often do we wonder what ever happened to someone we knew in high school. I know that is why there are High School reunions. But those come with so much hoopla. One friend I have known since I was pre-school, Luann, and I reconnected this year. Our Mom's were good friends. We took up where we left off. She is an amazing funny lady. Well, she and two other good friends and Lavonne and I got together this month in the Jemez mountains to reconnect and tell old stories that were funnier than I every remembered. Who knew a squirrel pelt meant so much to a foreign exchange student?
Ladies...the laughter was much needed and how wonderful that we all turned into interesting and happy people. We have to do this again!

Deer at Dad's

These beautiful deer have been hanging around Dad's for all of 2010. Now, they are all grown.

update

Radiation going well. I am a bit crispy on one side and that will go away in a few months. My hair is thin and dry but still on my head and I seem to be eating OK. So, all is going well.
Judy and Sharon are back from Maui and the winter icy grip has finally eased. Spring has to be on the way!

Cancer

I have not posted since Fall...what's up with that?
It has been a tough fall but winter really kicked it into high gear. We have been in snow up to our keesters since early December. Right now we have more than 3 feet of snow on the ground. It has morphed out of snow and into a block of ice that will hold a truck. Our fair city did a really poor job of clearing the streets. We went from regular trucks to private contractor. Lavonne claims our snowplow was a Mini Cooper with a blade. It does look like that.
Now, with the nasty weather (7 major snows since Jan.) we had another challenge. I was diagnised with breast cancer in late Fall. I had the biopsy (fun) the full surgery (more fun) and now radiation. I will do Tamoxafin after the radiation. We caught it early and that is all good. So, I go through one radiation treatment each day now and get a little nauseous (maybe some weight loss?) and some exhaustion (I am a good napper). So far so good and we will get through this and count our blessings and kick any of our friends and loved onve who do not get a regular mamogram...be warned.

Fall and Los Alamos

It is Fall in New Mexico and the colors have been beautiful. The large deer has been enjoying a snack in Dad's backyard a couple of times each week.

Big Spiders

Fall in the midwest is always an interesting time. The large garden spiders start spinning these amazing webs and no matter how often someone tells me that these are beautiful creatures...they still creep me out a bit. I do not bug them..I do sometimes move them to a new location...which I am certain makes them angry because they just went to all the work of spinning a web overnight connecting the deck railing to my umbrella. In any case it is time for fall. That always makes me think of family times and the last picnics on the Pecos.

Poetry as a Gift

I just packaged up a book of poems (to send out to family) that was put together by my cousin Deb for her Mom, Betty. Betty wrote the poems and I think used them to deal with grief and the pain of being so far away from family. Still, some of the poems are really funny.
In one she speaks of my Aunt Marge. I called her Gee Gee and she was a lifetime school teacher and a bit prickly on occasion.

Were you a flower (for Marge)
"Were you a flower
You might be
A tender yellow buttercup
With sunny petal holden up
Its face for bee to come and sup
But were reverse
The circumstance
And it should be your mettle
To be a weed I think
Perhaps you'd serve as stinging netle."
Betty Oller

My Aunt Betty cracked me up. In one short poem she summed up my dear Ant Gee Gee. we all loved her but she was a bit prickley.
Betty used to walk and memorize scripture and poems. The great Robert Frost recited his Poem "The Gift Outright" from memory at the innaguration of Kennedy when his notes containing the poem "Dedication"w were blown around.
Lavonne's Mom made kids memorize a few poems and many at her funeral would come up in small groups and start reminiscing and then a poem would break out. What a gift.
Betty knew who the poet Laureate each year and also knew a bit about some of their work.
I think there is wisdom there about the arts and how they help us work through. You can get mad but to relieve stress it helps to hammer out a creation...in wood, stone or words. Betty chose words.

Spring Finally

Well, home again and it was so cold when we got off the plane that my shorts seemed to shout FOOL at me. I should have changed into jeans. We sifted through a mountain of mail and began to unpack the bags. The golf bag had some tears that even my skillful surgery will not repair so new one is on the list. We slept until we had to get up to eat or do some other body necessity but still looked like walking zombies. I think travel is great but the after trip recovery is taking longer as I age.
Today though the sun is shining and the birds are out and spring looks like it migh make an appearance. I know here in NE there could be 25 inches of snow tomorrow but I am going to remain hopeful.

Soothing my Spirit

There is a pacific bump coming in creating 10 foot wave faces and the surfers are extatic. Watching their faces as they stand on the cliff above Hono Bay and watch their peers catch perfect faces makes me smile. There are lots of things in life that give me that feeling. I love finding old letters from my Mom or grandmother and discovering some new family story that I did not know. An afternoon nap after working hard, a beautiful sunset, calling a good friend, lunch at a favorite spot (my deck), a road trip with great music cranking on the radio, the middle of a good book (I hate for them to end). I used to get that feeling when it snowed and I knew Mark and I might get to go skiing. Now snow makes me wonder if the snowblower will start...but i still love to watch it fall. The thrill of something like skiing or surfing are not the things that make me tingle. I wish they still did. Getting older changes things (so does bad knees). But that which has replaced those active exciting things are good too. The peak of this what gives us pleasure is to return to being 2 or 3 and being like Jesus Marcos or Archer and have the same feeling they show us when they see a butterfly or for Archer Burt and Ernie. I do think I am starting to return to that "little things amaze" me part of life. That is a good place to be right now. Excuse me...I have to go watch a bird eat bread crumbs off the patio.

Tired of saying goodbye

Well,
Just when you think things are going more smoothly life throws you a curve ball and we lose another really great lady. Teresa Oller passed today and left behind a family who can't help but miss the heck out of her. We all will not just because she was an amazing human but because she was the only woman I knew who could keep Boots in line.
She would show up at Betty's and talk a blue streak about anything and everything. Darn plucky in Oller country. She was amazing to my Mom ... helping teach her how to set up her plate so she could eat without her eyesight. Mom never forgot that act of kindness nor did I.
She does leave an amazing legacy. Kris is this amazing young woman who shaved her head when her Mom lost her hair. She is as smart and eclectic as her Mom and can talk about anything. She, like her Mom, gives people the idea that she does not need to be taken care of...but under that crunchy exterior is a marshmallow heart. Kris cares deeply and is frightfully smart... heck the whole family is. Andrew hardly spoke but when he did it was something worth listening to. Betty described him as able to do anything...fix anything...
Boots, her hubby is one of my favorite Ollers and my absolutely favorite pessamist. I do not know how to tell them how to get through the grief except to hope that all of us call them frequently for no reason other than to listen and grieve with them. The losses of Mom and Betty did make this Rickard family come together in ways I never thought we would. So, If you read this give one a call.

Precious People

This has been a good time for me to reflect a bit. I think that we are so busy making a living that we miss a bit of life. Tiffany and Robert (my Neice and Nephew and great Nephew...JM) drove all the way to Nebraska to see us this winter. OK, Robert thought he would get to see a farm but he was happy with a frozen lake and a Cabellas. That was pretty special. I miss having family close enough to stop by for dinner or just to chill. I love friends too but family is really the ace. I have done a much better job with connecting with family...so has Lavonne. But for now my goal is to make sure Archer, Jesus Marcos, Tiff, Robert, Kelly, Cooper and Grant have an Aunt at least as memorable as those I had. Heck, I cannot top Aunt Betty, Gee Gee or Aunt Grace...but I can be memorable...and a bit crazy. So, here is to my year of refining my crazy aunt skills. I can't wait to see where this take me. If you have any crazy Aunt ideas...send them on to me.

Pacific Ocean Thoughts

I was sitting on an airplane somewhere over the middle of the Pacific Ocean and I began to cry. Now this is not a good thing on a planeload of happy people heading over to Hawaii fueled up with drinks and tropical print shirts that no one really wears outside the islands.
It is odd not to have your Mom, who loves you unconditionally...or Aunt Betty, who loves everyone. They left a bit of a hole by their passing
What I realized is that I finally understood how big a change this is. I know, it is partly because I am older and change is not my favorite thing to do. I suspect I cried as an infant when they changed my diapers...not because that was so bad a change...just different. I am good at this resisting change thing.
So, over the ocean it hits me that my generation is now the glue that holds the Rickards, Cde Bacas, Ollers etc together. I know we will rise to the task but Mom and Betty did it so effortlessly. The crazy part is that I really believe Betty and Mom may be watching this whole cry thing and giggling that I have missed the point. Life is change and some changes are pretty uncomfortable...but they do force us to grow. This loss stuff is the fertilizer part of growth...I think I am ready now for some good gentle rain, who knows, I may join the crazy group by putting on a tropical shirt and downing one of those awful tropical drinks and seeing what the next bend in the road brings.

Christmas in Los Alamos

We braved the friendly skies and are in Los Alamos for the holidays. The snow started falling gently on Tuesday and then began to rain down in white sheets by the middle of the day. We got the drive cleared by 3PM or so and headed out to put some food in Dad's interesting fridge. He had frozen french bread pizza singles, tamalies, some ancient ice cream and a few brontosaraus steaks from a hunt in the early prehistoric years. We bought pork chops, roasts, beans, canned goods, veggies, juice and a host of cheezes. It was a trip to the store that was a lifesaver.
Today, Ded is down in White Rock and Lavonne and I have celebrated a great Christmas morning by listening to Choir music, eating beans we made yesterday (which should provide hours of entertainment later), and counting our blessings.
We will head down to Phylis's house in an hour or so for dinner and some good visiting, and a good game of cards.
I wish Sharon, Judy,Mark and the kids were here along with Dot and a large crew to make the cards more interesting and share the feast. Merry Christmas!

Aunt Betty

I miss my Mom like crazy but I always had Aunt Betty even after Mom passed. Now Betty has passed too and there seems to be a huge hole in the world. I know it will be filled with memories and family but when you lose someone like Betsy it is ceartinly a big loss. She was 88 years old and still sharp and funny. She was one of the most amazing learners, interested in everything. She cooked like Martha Stewart and looked like a million every morning. I called her and had a great long chat at least once a week. Now I will talk to her and Mom each morning and each evening in my dreams.
Everyone needs an Aunt Betty in their lives. Someone who by their faith and their sheer determination is solid as a rock. You always knew what to expect from her. Gracious and graceful she was the embodiment of dedicated Mom. She loved her children with a passion that defies description. I heard proud stories about each one and never ever heard her utter a word of dissapointment about any of them. She told funny stores about them but always with a sense of ..."aren't my kids funny and creative"?
My favorite recent story was when one of Tiffany's friends was saying she was giving Tiffany some advice, harshly. Tiff's friend said "I ripped her a new one". Betty asked me what that meant. I told her it meant that she chewed her out or verbally tore into her. At Breakfast Betty was listening to a story about some conflict between two folks and I asked her what on of the conflictees did. She raised her fist and said in a louder tone. "ripped her a new one". I laughed so hard I was incontinent. Lavonne still gets the church giggles when I mention any part of the story. Betty, looked at me after the laughter and said sternly..."that isn't anything dirty is it"? I told her no...but it was so out of character it made us laugh. I never heard her swear...ever.
So, here is to a gentle lady who had so many wonderful layers and never forgot how to have fun...who loved her kids...was loyal to her family and friends and taught us all how to live with more grace.

Thanksgiving

Just back from a week in Steamboat Rock. We ate more than was sane and played cards until the wee hours. I stink at that card game but the snacks are great. We had a little snow. They predicted a half inch and we got 5 or 6. We did have fun but the cold weather was a wake up call for me to get out the warmner clothes. The photo is the view from the cabin deck.
A wonderful pair of students sent me a link through their blog to a site called Free Rice. You all should check it out.

New Mexico

Folks, we are just back from a trip to NM to see Dad and for me to teach a workshop at Albuquerque (UNM). Lavonne and her broken hoof were troopers. We drive and photographed trees and scenes and ate lots of chile. I will post more photos this weekend.
Wish you all could have been with us.

Tribute to Cubby the Wonder Kitty

Cubby, Our niblet-less grey kitty...the one with the expensive pins in his hip was hit by a car last week and did not make it. He came to live with us after surgery and we got a bit too attached. When we were running around the country for my work we left him with Lavonne's sister Sharon...and he jumped off a table and needed more surgery...plus...Sharon got really attached to the cuddly little grey furball. He stayed with Sharon and was our constant companion every time we were at Steamboat (his kingdom... which he rulled with an iron paw). He had the run of about 8 acres of garden and trees but he got too curious about the highway to the east and wandered out there. I am a dog person but this little guy was really special.

Lavonne Update

Lavonne and I took a field trip to the Dr.'s office. We got there right at 8:25...appointment at 8:30 and the Dr. came in and said I looked at your x-rays and you will not need surgery. 9 out of 10 folks need surgery and Lavonne is the one out of 10 who is OK. The fracture does not involve the talus (another odd bone in the foot)...so her heel is in good position and no surgery. Good news.
Bad news...8 weeks off the foot. So, 8 weeks with the walker and the crutches. She already hates the crutches. They did put her in a cute little boot that looks line something from NASA. It will take some getting used to the boot but it is better than the wrap and 100 pounds of cotten they had on it before.
Lavonne had a huge list of things to do outside to get the house ready for winter and I can do some but there are a few that are beyond me (anything on the ladder is out...plumbing and electrical too). So, as a get well present I got her a handyman named Jason. He is great (great at plumbing and electrical too) and right now he is doing one of the things that was on my list (staining the deck). I may adopt him.
So, all is well and we are chugging along.