Fall and Los Alamos

It is Fall in New Mexico and the colors have been beautiful. The large deer has been enjoying a snack in Dad's backyard a couple of times each week.

Big Spiders

Fall in the midwest is always an interesting time. The large garden spiders start spinning these amazing webs and no matter how often someone tells me that these are beautiful creatures...they still creep me out a bit. I do not bug them..I do sometimes move them to a new location...which I am certain makes them angry because they just went to all the work of spinning a web overnight connecting the deck railing to my umbrella. In any case it is time for fall. That always makes me think of family times and the last picnics on the Pecos.

Poetry as a Gift

I just packaged up a book of poems (to send out to family) that was put together by my cousin Deb for her Mom, Betty. Betty wrote the poems and I think used them to deal with grief and the pain of being so far away from family. Still, some of the poems are really funny.
In one she speaks of my Aunt Marge. I called her Gee Gee and she was a lifetime school teacher and a bit prickly on occasion.

Were you a flower (for Marge)
"Were you a flower
You might be
A tender yellow buttercup
With sunny petal holden up
Its face for bee to come and sup
But were reverse
The circumstance
And it should be your mettle
To be a weed I think
Perhaps you'd serve as stinging netle."
Betty Oller

My Aunt Betty cracked me up. In one short poem she summed up my dear Ant Gee Gee. we all loved her but she was a bit prickley.
Betty used to walk and memorize scripture and poems. The great Robert Frost recited his Poem "The Gift Outright" from memory at the innaguration of Kennedy when his notes containing the poem "Dedication"w were blown around.
Lavonne's Mom made kids memorize a few poems and many at her funeral would come up in small groups and start reminiscing and then a poem would break out. What a gift.
Betty knew who the poet Laureate each year and also knew a bit about some of their work.
I think there is wisdom there about the arts and how they help us work through. You can get mad but to relieve stress it helps to hammer out a creation...in wood, stone or words. Betty chose words.

Spring Finally

Well, home again and it was so cold when we got off the plane that my shorts seemed to shout FOOL at me. I should have changed into jeans. We sifted through a mountain of mail and began to unpack the bags. The golf bag had some tears that even my skillful surgery will not repair so new one is on the list. We slept until we had to get up to eat or do some other body necessity but still looked like walking zombies. I think travel is great but the after trip recovery is taking longer as I age.
Today though the sun is shining and the birds are out and spring looks like it migh make an appearance. I know here in NE there could be 25 inches of snow tomorrow but I am going to remain hopeful.

Soothing my Spirit

There is a pacific bump coming in creating 10 foot wave faces and the surfers are extatic. Watching their faces as they stand on the cliff above Hono Bay and watch their peers catch perfect faces makes me smile. There are lots of things in life that give me that feeling. I love finding old letters from my Mom or grandmother and discovering some new family story that I did not know. An afternoon nap after working hard, a beautiful sunset, calling a good friend, lunch at a favorite spot (my deck), a road trip with great music cranking on the radio, the middle of a good book (I hate for them to end). I used to get that feeling when it snowed and I knew Mark and I might get to go skiing. Now snow makes me wonder if the snowblower will start...but i still love to watch it fall. The thrill of something like skiing or surfing are not the things that make me tingle. I wish they still did. Getting older changes things (so does bad knees). But that which has replaced those active exciting things are good too. The peak of this what gives us pleasure is to return to being 2 or 3 and being like Jesus Marcos or Archer and have the same feeling they show us when they see a butterfly or for Archer Burt and Ernie. I do think I am starting to return to that "little things amaze" me part of life. That is a good place to be right now. Excuse me...I have to go watch a bird eat bread crumbs off the patio.

Tired of saying goodbye

Well,
Just when you think things are going more smoothly life throws you a curve ball and we lose another really great lady. Teresa Oller passed today and left behind a family who can't help but miss the heck out of her. We all will not just because she was an amazing human but because she was the only woman I knew who could keep Boots in line.
She would show up at Betty's and talk a blue streak about anything and everything. Darn plucky in Oller country. She was amazing to my Mom ... helping teach her how to set up her plate so she could eat without her eyesight. Mom never forgot that act of kindness nor did I.
She does leave an amazing legacy. Kris is this amazing young woman who shaved her head when her Mom lost her hair. She is as smart and eclectic as her Mom and can talk about anything. She, like her Mom, gives people the idea that she does not need to be taken care of...but under that crunchy exterior is a marshmallow heart. Kris cares deeply and is frightfully smart... heck the whole family is. Andrew hardly spoke but when he did it was something worth listening to. Betty described him as able to do anything...fix anything...
Boots, her hubby is one of my favorite Ollers and my absolutely favorite pessamist. I do not know how to tell them how to get through the grief except to hope that all of us call them frequently for no reason other than to listen and grieve with them. The losses of Mom and Betty did make this Rickard family come together in ways I never thought we would. So, If you read this give one a call.

Precious People

This has been a good time for me to reflect a bit. I think that we are so busy making a living that we miss a bit of life. Tiffany and Robert (my Neice and Nephew and great Nephew...JM) drove all the way to Nebraska to see us this winter. OK, Robert thought he would get to see a farm but he was happy with a frozen lake and a Cabellas. That was pretty special. I miss having family close enough to stop by for dinner or just to chill. I love friends too but family is really the ace. I have done a much better job with connecting with family...so has Lavonne. But for now my goal is to make sure Archer, Jesus Marcos, Tiff, Robert, Kelly, Cooper and Grant have an Aunt at least as memorable as those I had. Heck, I cannot top Aunt Betty, Gee Gee or Aunt Grace...but I can be memorable...and a bit crazy. So, here is to my year of refining my crazy aunt skills. I can't wait to see where this take me. If you have any crazy Aunt ideas...send them on to me.

Pacific Ocean Thoughts

I was sitting on an airplane somewhere over the middle of the Pacific Ocean and I began to cry. Now this is not a good thing on a planeload of happy people heading over to Hawaii fueled up with drinks and tropical print shirts that no one really wears outside the islands.
It is odd not to have your Mom, who loves you unconditionally...or Aunt Betty, who loves everyone. They left a bit of a hole by their passing
What I realized is that I finally understood how big a change this is. I know, it is partly because I am older and change is not my favorite thing to do. I suspect I cried as an infant when they changed my diapers...not because that was so bad a change...just different. I am good at this resisting change thing.
So, over the ocean it hits me that my generation is now the glue that holds the Rickards, Cde Bacas, Ollers etc together. I know we will rise to the task but Mom and Betty did it so effortlessly. The crazy part is that I really believe Betty and Mom may be watching this whole cry thing and giggling that I have missed the point. Life is change and some changes are pretty uncomfortable...but they do force us to grow. This loss stuff is the fertilizer part of growth...I think I am ready now for some good gentle rain, who knows, I may join the crazy group by putting on a tropical shirt and downing one of those awful tropical drinks and seeing what the next bend in the road brings.